I had an amazing moment last night. It was a moment of just pure happiness. I was showering with Faith and she reached up with both her hands to touch my face and giggled! I spent the next 8 min just enjoying playing with my sweet baby and knew I wouldn't trade my life for anything. This of course was after a week of so many NOT nice moments! lol. Starting the week before Bella's surgery, she caught what we thought was croup but only had one night of it being pretty bad and then a day with a fever. Hannah caught it a couple of days later. Faith started having a fever in between the two girls and broke all of her good sleeping habits. She would sleep a max of 3 hours at night. Sunday evening I came down with the flu and it knocked me around. I had a fever that would get as high as 102.6, chills, body aches, nausea, stuffed nose and a major headache. I was completely out of it and Faith was NOT sleeping during the day or at night. After a blessing and several days I began to feel better just in time for Bella's surgery on Thursday morning. The surgery went just fine. He placed new tubes in her ears and removed her adenoids. I had talked to him about removing her tonsils but he said they weren't really large but when they went into to remove her adenoids they checked out her tonsils and found a pocket that was full of puss! He didn't want to put us on the spot right then and there so we would have time to decide it we wanted to have her tonsils removed (which we ARE doing! if they are full of puss all the time I can only imagine how terrible she must feel.) She cried for a long time when she came out of surgery because she was in so much pain. I didn't remember Hannah being in that amount of pain when she got her TONSILS out! Dan started feeling really terrible by the time we left the surgery center and when we got home he had a fever of 103. He became VERY sick. On Saturday he was having a hard time breathing so we asked his brothers to come over for a blessing. In the evening he decided to go to urgent care because his fever started going back up. It turned out he had an ear and sinus infection. He was also given some cough suppressants because he was hacking up all kinds of stuff and breathing and coughing was very painful.
Sunday morning, Dan was feeling a little better and went to ward council leaving me to get all 4 kids ready by myself...........let me just say there was tons of crying. Then we sat through an amazing Primary program with me constantly holding either Charlie or Faith and being climbed upon. Then I went to nursery. I went to see if the senior Nursery needed any help and they had 2 crying children that I stayed to help calm down. I then went to the junior nursery to help with snack time where there was 4 crying little ones! And they all wanted to be held so I spent another hour and half holding and dealing with crying children. I felt like my nerves were frayed at the end of church. I spent pretty much the whole day with a crying child and was physically and emotionally exhausted (I'm sure if I wasn't up several times at night it would be easier.)
And then to top it all off Monday was an extremely busy day that ended with us rushing from Hannah's bus to parent-teacher conference and then home to throw together a dinner with crying, hungry children while trying to make sure homework was finished. Dinner was completely chaotic and rushed so we could get everyone to bed on time. I just wanted 5 minutes to myself to collect my thoughts and not feel so completely and utterly overwhelmed with life. Our kitchen was a mess, the whole house was a mess! We had barely been clinging to survival for the week and I just had had it. I told Dan I didn't think we could have another baby. 4 is WAY too many as it is. Then I had that moment with Faith in the shower and my faith was restored and I knew everything was going to be OK, I COULD manage all this and was doing a great job.
I always expect myself to be pulled back together by the time my baby is 6 months old.....but this time I had the realization hit home of how completely crazy that is! With 4 kids, I'm never going to be that same person I was before when I had 3 kids let alone no kids!
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed a lot of time. But I wouldn't trade my life for anything. Today was a better day. Better luck next time to Satan for trying to bring me down......he was doing a fantastic job until I got caught up in what life is really about in that small moment. Faith still isn't sleeping through the night but this all will pass and I'm going to miss it like CRAZY!
Sunday morning, Dan was feeling a little better and went to ward council leaving me to get all 4 kids ready by myself...........let me just say there was tons of crying. Then we sat through an amazing Primary program with me constantly holding either Charlie or Faith and being climbed upon. Then I went to nursery. I went to see if the senior Nursery needed any help and they had 2 crying children that I stayed to help calm down. I then went to the junior nursery to help with snack time where there was 4 crying little ones! And they all wanted to be held so I spent another hour and half holding and dealing with crying children. I felt like my nerves were frayed at the end of church. I spent pretty much the whole day with a crying child and was physically and emotionally exhausted (I'm sure if I wasn't up several times at night it would be easier.)
And then to top it all off Monday was an extremely busy day that ended with us rushing from Hannah's bus to parent-teacher conference and then home to throw together a dinner with crying, hungry children while trying to make sure homework was finished. Dinner was completely chaotic and rushed so we could get everyone to bed on time. I just wanted 5 minutes to myself to collect my thoughts and not feel so completely and utterly overwhelmed with life. Our kitchen was a mess, the whole house was a mess! We had barely been clinging to survival for the week and I just had had it. I told Dan I didn't think we could have another baby. 4 is WAY too many as it is. Then I had that moment with Faith in the shower and my faith was restored and I knew everything was going to be OK, I COULD manage all this and was doing a great job.
I always expect myself to be pulled back together by the time my baby is 6 months old.....but this time I had the realization hit home of how completely crazy that is! With 4 kids, I'm never going to be that same person I was before when I had 3 kids let alone no kids!
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed a lot of time. But I wouldn't trade my life for anything. Today was a better day. Better luck next time to Satan for trying to bring me down......he was doing a fantastic job until I got caught up in what life is really about in that small moment. Faith still isn't sleeping through the night but this all will pass and I'm going to miss it like CRAZY!
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