was my thought when the pregnancy test read positive. ( I'm only sharing this on my blog because this is my journal and only close friends and family read this. Plus I'm trying to work through this and talking is the way I cope with things). This event happened Wednesday afternoon. I had been nauseated for a couple of days and realized while I was at Wal-mart on Tuesday that this feeling was familiar but couldn't put a finger on it and then it hit me...........last year at this time was the last time I had felt this way. My thought was, "No, no, it couldn't be." I then spent Tuesday night throwing up and Wednesday morning i decided after still feeling sick that I needed to take a pregnancy test. I have an IUD in and they said when I had it put in that if you became pregnant the chances of it being ectopic or having a miscarriage are very high.
So after reading the positive, I called Dan in complete panic. All of these crazy thoughts were going through my head. I wasn't ready to have another child, it's way too soon, how far along am I and a million and a half other questions. Like what about insurance, we are planning on moving in April and Dan won't have a job. After calming down Dan and I decided I would take another test the next day. After sleeping on the idea, I had completely switched my attitude and was excited but very scared about all the things that could go wrong like, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or any other complications that would come with carrying a baby and an IUD at the same time. But I knew I would love this child. I took another test it came back negative. It left my head spinning...........what in the world? Again, I had to readjust my thinking and had lots of questions. Was I going to miscarry, was the first one a false positive, or was this an ectopic pregnancy (I was told the pregnancy would be weird like that if it was). I was still nauseated and decided to just wait and see. Friday morning, I started to bleed. I'm not sure if it was just the IUD causing more bleeding(i've been bleeding on and off since I had gotten it placed, granted it had been about a month since I had had any bleeding). Most of the nausea is gone today. Either way, I had no idea how to feel about it. I was disappointed and at the same time relieved. I don't even know if I really was pregnant. How do I feel about it? Do I grieve? Do I just pretend like it never happened? It's confusing. Either way the Lord has blessed me with two beautiful girls and when it's time for the fifth member of our to arrive, it will be the right time.
So after reading the positive, I called Dan in complete panic. All of these crazy thoughts were going through my head. I wasn't ready to have another child, it's way too soon, how far along am I and a million and a half other questions. Like what about insurance, we are planning on moving in April and Dan won't have a job. After calming down Dan and I decided I would take another test the next day. After sleeping on the idea, I had completely switched my attitude and was excited but very scared about all the things that could go wrong like, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or any other complications that would come with carrying a baby and an IUD at the same time. But I knew I would love this child. I took another test it came back negative. It left my head spinning...........what in the world? Again, I had to readjust my thinking and had lots of questions. Was I going to miscarry, was the first one a false positive, or was this an ectopic pregnancy (I was told the pregnancy would be weird like that if it was). I was still nauseated and decided to just wait and see. Friday morning, I started to bleed. I'm not sure if it was just the IUD causing more bleeding(i've been bleeding on and off since I had gotten it placed, granted it had been about a month since I had had any bleeding). Most of the nausea is gone today. Either way, I had no idea how to feel about it. I was disappointed and at the same time relieved. I don't even know if I really was pregnant. How do I feel about it? Do I grieve? Do I just pretend like it never happened? It's confusing. Either way the Lord has blessed me with two beautiful girls and when it's time for the fifth member of our to arrive, it will be the right time.
Oh, Katy! What a roller coaster experience!
ReplyDeleteWhen I worked at the Student Health Center the nurse was always telling students who couldn't believe that they were pregnant that pregnancy tests give false negatives but not false positives.
When I had my miscarriage I had a positive test, then a just barely positive one, then a negative, and then a positive. A week later I miscarried. When I started bleeding we went to the doctor to see if this was a miscarriage. They drew some blood from my arm and looked at my hormone levels. The levels made it clear that I was miscarrying, but it also clearly indicated that I had been pregnant and that was something I clung to as I was grieving and feeling like maybe I'd never even been pregnant at all.
With Emily I had a positive, then a negative, then a positive.
If you want to know with more certainty, your doctor might be able to test your hormone levels. Also, lots of people bleed but don't actually miscarry, so it might be a good idea to see the doctor anyway. Plus, they could perhaps reassure you that the IUD is placed correctly and should be working.
No matter if you were pregnant or not, everything you are feeling is normal. What a roller coaster of emotions. I can identify with every feeling you mentioned both in hoping to not be pregnant and then hoping to be pregnant also. You make perfect sense to me! I think you grieve when you feel the need to, and feel relieved when you need to feel relieved.
Sorry you are going through this. We love you. Feel free to call or email anytime.
Crazy stuff!!!
ReplyDeleteBecca said it all better than I could--especially about the emotions that come. Whatever you feel is the right way to feel.
We love you!
I don't really have anything to add other than ditto to what the others have said. We also had something similar happen with a pregnancy test one time. I also have a friend with two different sisters who have children now that were concieved with an IUD in place, so it is possible. Sorry you had to go through this experience. I really like what Jodi said,, whatever you feel is the right way to feel! Everyone experiences these things in their own way. Sure love you! Hope to see you soon...at least before you take off for the East. I think a trip to Utah might just have to be made! =)
ReplyDeleteDear Katy,
ReplyDeleteI admire the faith you and Dan have. You are in our prayers and I hope that whatever happens will be for the best for you, Dan, and Your family.
Katy,
ReplyDeleteI second what everyone else commented. We are thinking about you and praying for you that either way all will be well. We love you so much! Let me know if you need to talk! Love you! Shalyse